Uganda Breaks Guinness World Record For Longest Funeral

At least 37 staff of the Guinness World Records have since passed on while on deployment in Uganda to record what the reference book says is the longest funeral ever held.

Mr Oh Aganda died in 1986, the records book says. “The funeral has been going on since,” Guinness World Records says. “We’ve been sending staffers to record the burial but nothing is happening.

The relatives prefer to keep up with the elaborate funeral where a few eat, many mourn and many more watch on in despair.”

The Guinness World Records is a reference book published annually, listing world records both of human achievements and the extremes of the natural world.

The Book – as we will call it from here on – says that after Mr Oh Aganda went into cardiac arrest in 1986, a group of men addressed the world and announced that Aganda was in a stable condition.

“They said they would restore Mr Oh Aganda but the truth is that he had breathed his last that day,” the Book said. After some 10 or so years, the Book learnt that a funeral had been ongoing for years.

On dispatching recorders to ascertain, it was discovered that the pallbearers moved around rolling the casket “here and there”.  The pall bearers served themselves great meals that revised the rug-tag appearance they had been seen in when they first announced the condition of Mr Oh Aganda.

“It was always sautéed chicken and they grew fat in no time, which was probably a great thing to do if they were going to keep carrying that casket around for all of 37 years,” the Book said.

“Fearing contaminated water, the pall bearers extracted tears from the mourners that they gulped with relish. Health science shows that tears are the cleanest liquids known to nature.

They are cleaner than dew regardless of whether it was tears from a mourner or from someone bleeding.

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