Heartbroken Man Feels Family Neglects His Grief a Decade After Partner’s Death
Heartbroken Man Feels Family Neglects His Grief a Decade After Partner’s Death
A 50-year-old man is grappling with the lack of support from his family on the 10th anniversary of his partner’s sudden death. After 21 years together, his partner died unexpectedly, and for the last decade, his family has mostly ignored the anniversary. He feels hurt, believing they would act differently if he had been in a heterosexual relationship with children.
Unbalanced Acknowledgment and Family Priorities
The man continues to support his mother by sending cards and flowers on his father’s death anniversary. However, when it comes to his own grief, his family remains silent. Last year, his mother asked him to order flowers to mark the death of a friend’s husband on the same day as his partner’s anniversary, further deepening his sense of being overlooked.
Unanswered Pleas for Recognition
He addressed his feelings in a family chat, hoping this milestone year would bring some acknowledgment, but his message was met with silence. Despite their initial support of his relationship, he now feels his family sees it as less significant than his sister’s marriage and family life.
Struggling with the Decision to Cut Ties
Though his family attended his wedding and supported him in the past, the man now considers distancing himself entirely to focus on his own life and happiness. He wonders if his pain and lack of acknowledgment stem from lingering biases and societal norms that still undervalue same-sex relationships.
Expert Advice: Seek Acknowledgment and Support Elsewhere
Eleanor, an advice columnist, suggests that his family may struggle with knowing what to say around grief. However, she also acknowledges that his concerns about being “othered” might be valid. Eleanor encourages him to find ways to honor his partner’s memory, perhaps by connecting with a “chosen family” who understand and respect his experience.
Ultimately, she advises clearly communicating how much their recognition matters before making the final decision to distance himself. His grief, and the life he shared with his partner, deserve acknowledgment. Heartbroken Man Feels Family Neglects His Grief a Decade After Partner’s Death
-The Guardian
